Night #23: Zoombies


“It’s a zoo, not Jurassic Park.”

Directed By: Glenn Miller (Not that one)

Yeah you’re reading that right. And look at that poster. Drink it in man…

The Asylum were a studio that traded mainly in mockbusters. So when you would see something called Transmorphers or Snakes On A Train (Actually better than the movie that inspired it), chances are it was these guys who made it. They have, in recent years, kind of moved away from that to make movies that are similar to, rather than outright ripping off, better known movies. For this one, even some of the posters namecheck Jurassic World.

So here’s a weird thing, I enjoyed this much more than I enjoyed Jurassic World. I can’t say that makes it better exactly, but for one thing there’s no 70s era sexism in this one, and we don’t waste time on some characters that never gets paid off (Exactly why does it matter that the one brother has this kind of girl obsession when it never gets addressed again? Sorry, I’m still salty that Jurassic World was as successful as it was). This one also delivers like 100% more carnage that its more popular big brother.

The broad strokes are essentially the same: There’s a park (This time for endangered species), the female manager is trying to keep it afloat, animals escape, people die. The effects are terrible of course. One of the worst things to happen to low-budget movies was low-budget CGI. Give me a good puppet and practical effect any day. That doesn’t mean they don’t get inventive with things. In the opening scene alone a crazy monkey rips out a woman’s eyes, so there’s that.

There’s one or two moments that are lifted beat-for-beat from Jurassic World, such as the ‘elite’ squad showing up only to get murdered almost immediately. But I’m kind of surprised it’s taken anyone so long to do something like this. There must’ve been zombified animals before, but my horror-brain is failing me. Return Of The Living Dead has a zombified dog, but it’s played for a quick gag. Though actually google tells me that Zombie Apocalypse features a zombie tiger and that was way back in 2011. Still, to this extent? I don’t think so. It would certainly liven things up in The Walking Dead instead of the tedious melodrama that it actually is.

Everyone is a walking cliche, but at least they’re a consistent walking cliche. Sorry, there’s that Jurassic World talk again. And everyone you expect to die does die, but it’s still a whole lot of goofy, stupid fun. I got to see zombified Giraffe’s murder a guy, as well as some murderous ducks and a demonic koala. I can guarantee you no movie has offered you that before, certainly not one of the most popular movies of all time.


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