Directed By: Donald P Borchers

“I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with C.”

Yep, kids are still creepy.

What’s this? Why it’s a remake. See I like to twist these things around on you.

Actually, in all fairness to the movie I don’t think we can call it a remake. It clearly takes nothing from the 1984 film and instead is another adaptation of the short story. As it turns out it’s also based on a discarded script that King had written for the movie, though it’s hard to tell what additions are actually his.

This one is, to a fault, pretty damn faithful to the short story. With Burt and Vicky the two bickering assholes they were in the short story. Maybe the makers of the original movie were right, maybe it is hard to watch these people over 90 minutes. Not that the actors did anything wrong. They play their parts well, but spending time with these people perhaps isn’t the best use of your time. Saying that, the movie seems to make Burt far more sympathetic than Vicky, who often just comes across as shrill and well…annoying. This time Burt is a vietnam vet (Another invention for this version) and generally more rounded than his wife is, which manages to even the edge off some of his shrillness.

They get everything else down pat though: There’s the part where they hit the boy at the start, there’s the part where they investigate the town, there’s the part that the kids watch another two teenagers have some vigorous sex…Oh wait hang on, that last part wasn’t in the short story or the original movie. So what gives? Well it looks like someone has taken something that was suggested and brought it front and centre here. It’s not like I’m a prude or anything, but these kids look kinda under-age and I really don’t want to be on any sort of watchlist. I get the point of the scene, but it’s still not something that needed to exist. Particularly not when you get to the (dubbed) orgasms and cheering kids.

I don’t need these adaptations to be strictly adhering to the their sources, as long as they keep the spirit intact, and I’d say this qualifies for that. It’s a grim, unhappy little tale with a downer of an ending. I liked it though, and it’s certainly the best movie that has both “Children” and “Corn” in the title.