Sharks. They always get a bad rap. From the seminal Jaws onwards we’ve endured countless tales of these cold killing machines. Though in reality very few people die from shark attacks, it doesn’t stop Hollywood perpetuating the same myths.

So does Shark Night finally set this great injustice right?

No.

A group of College friends head out to the Lakes, if they say what Lakes they were I didn’t catch it, so we’ll say they’re at The Lakes. Fun times are being had by all until a wakeboarding session goes bad and one of the group gets their arm bitten off. Spoiler: A shark did it.

Things escalate from there, teens die in a relatively predictable order from terrible CGI sharks and I’ve just watched a 3D film in 2D.

First off, on that issue, the 3D is useless. It’s only when you see a film in 2D that you realise how poorly it’s utilised. A handful of flying things at the camera do not warrant a hike in ticket prices. But that’s a rant for another time. There’s a post credits scene of the cast rapping about Sharks that’s probably better than anything that’s in the actual film though…not sure whether that means it’s a great rap or a poor film.

As for the rest of this film well…I’ll say this for it, you couldn’t predict what happens. Even the introduction of a couple of rednecks (Alway a stalwart of these things) doesn’t go the way it’s supposed to. So narratively it takes a couple of left turns (A better film might have done something more with the ideas it brings up) but the cast are sadly nothing but shark chum, that is except for the always-excellent Donal Logue (Rest in piece Terriers) and the-one-who-still-has-a-career-after-Blair-Witch Joshua Leonard. Those two just seem like they adlibbed the whole time and bought into the utterly ridiculous third act twist that the film throws out there.

The other biggest failing was the rating. Being a PG-13 (12A here in the UK) a lot of deaths are of the quick, shark jumps out at you, variety and largely bloodless. There is one pretty great kill, in the utterly ridiculous sort of way, but it’s really too little to really recommend it. If I was 14 I would probably love it…but I’m not, so I don’t.