A funny thing happened today on Twitter. Comedian Patton Oswalt tried an experiment wherein he created some faux outrage, just to see the results. Unsurprisingly for the Internet, the results were exactly as you might have expected.
First lines are important. In some ways they’re the most important part of anything you’ll write or read. A great first line should invite the reader in, it should invite them to take a seat and want to hear more.
Not to get too base about it but if you’re the fish then the first line is the hook and the author just needs to reel you in. See, that was a metaphor. I might use a simile later too.
There’s bad, and then there’s bad. Once upon a time there was a film called The Room. Auteur/melted candle lookalike Tommy Wiseau wrote/directed/produced/acted in a melodrama that was meant to end in a crescendo of tragedy, but instead had audiences howling with laughter.
There was a rumour this week that actor Michael B Jordan, best known for Friday Night Lights, Chronicle and The Wire will be starring as Johnny Storm, AKA The Human Torch in a new Fantastic Four reboot. It’s a great idea, until fanboys get involved. You see the problem is that Michael B Jordan is black, whereas Johnny Storm is as white as that thing people do where they roll cheese down a hill and chase after it.
First of all, we have to get this out of the way now: There will be numerous utterances of the C word to follow. If it offends you I apologise, but then I have a feeling if it did offend you then you wouldn’t be reading this to begin with. I also highly recommend people read Maryann Johnson’s piece on the joke right here.
This all started when I was listening to Mark Kermode reviewing Django Unchained. Though I have to listen to him again miss the point of Inglorious Basterds (And for someone as smart as Kermode he seems to miss the point of a lot of films, barely seeing past their surface elements, unless of course it’s a film he likes – but that’s a post for another time) he launches into his criticism of Django. A few buzzwords appear here and there and it’s about what I expected. He’s generally smart in what he says, I just don’t tend to agree with him.
The enemy is holed up in front of you. It’s a suicide mission if you try and pass. It’s just you and your two squad mates against countless troops. Your partner notices something off to the side somewhat fortuitously; It’s white phosphorous. It’ll burn up everyone in its path. It’s an ugly solution but you’re in too deep now. You have to keep going.
You make the choice, or rather the game makes it for you. You have to press on. Turning off the game is always an option too, should you want to. You fire up the monitor and white dots on the screen represent your enemy. You point at them and fire. The white dots vanish in a monochromatic blaze. More dots. You point and fire. Point and fire. Point and fire.
Poundstretcher is, how to put this…It is a cheap shop. I don’t mean cheap to be synonymous with bad at all. There’s nothing there that would endanger your kids or anything like that. But it’s the type of place you go to buy industrial size vats of Nescafe coffee, or whatever the Chinese equivalent of a Pot Noodle is. I walked past one day I saw their poster advertising their Halloween stock and, like a moth attracted to light, I knew I had to go in there. I had an idea in my mind of what it would be. Crappy plastic teeth, some fake blood that game in a bottle labeled, appropriately enough, ‘Fake Blood’ so I entered and…
…well let me ask you this. Is it possible to be more right than you thought you were going to be?
OK so the headline wasn’t entirely truthful. I don’t really hate anything, it’s a waste of time and I like to look at something, whether it’s film or TV and at least something of worth in it. Even if it’s a small part of an actor’s performance or the way a shot is framed. But I can dislike something and as it turns out, there’s one show on the air that I really don’t like.
1997 . It was this year that Princess Diana was killed, James Cameron released Titanic and recent internet laughing stock Rebecca Black was born. It was April that year when 3D Realms announced a follow up to their hit Duke Nukem 3D, a game titled Duke Nukem Forever. It was predicted the game would come out in time for Christmas 1998 and in May of ’98 the game was shown off at Video Game convention E3. The game was built using the Quake II engine, which at the time was the most cutting edge game engine available….at least until a few months later when the Unreal engine was released. Despite showing off the game to journalists and proclaiming their delight with how the game was going, 3D Realms made the sudden announcement that they would be switching to the Unreal engine, effectively starting the game again from scratch.
Then, 14 years later, the game was released.